Do we have some control over our own dying? You may not agree with me if I say 'yes' but there is often proof of this when people die in a hospital. The majority of patients die in the early hours of the morning when the lifesavers are resting and when family members have left or fallen asleep. Probably all these patients are constantly balancing the rewards of life versus the cost of living . We must realize that patients are not 'living or dying' but 'alive or dead'. If someone is called 'terminally ill,' he is often treated as dead. This is wrong. If one is alive, one can still laugh, live and love.

An elderly lady, Mrs. Kee (name changed) was receiving chemotherapy for her advanced breast cancer. Her husband met with an accident and was admitted in the ICU of a multi specialty hospital. He required ventilatory support at night. Relatives did not want to tell Mrs. Kee about the condition of her husband. The next day we came to know that both husband and wife had passed away. Mrs. Kee followed Mr. Kee after a gap of just 5 minutes. The cause of death in the case of Mrs. Kee could not be ascertained. This was probably a living death where feelings were unspoken, conflicts unresolved. Sometimes life goes on only for the sake of others.

Death can be natural and peaceful. A young patient of mine was loved and taken care of so well in his last days that he left a note at the time of his death saying, The last month of my life was the best period of my life. Thank you for the love showered on me. I am taking it with me. On the other hand, death can be artificially prolonged with needles, tubes and ventilators and become a life without dignity. This is not control at the time of death. Control at the time of dying is natural, peaceful and subconscious.


PATIENT'S STORIES
Cancer patients and their loved ones are invited to write to us about their views, thoughts and feelings. We will include as many letters, articles and stories as is possible in these web pages.

Please send your article to Nani Ma: nanima@gangapremhospice.org